Making progress through my grief

I bet you thought you would not be hearing from me again.  It has been months since I have even thought about writing.  It was a long and difficult winter - in many ways.  The cold and snow were record-breaking... yay!   NOT!!  I got quite sick and tired of hearing about all the records for total snow and cold that were being reached and then broken... who really cares??  But I think Spring is here and just having decent weather has a positive effect on all of us. 

I have been going to Grief Share at my church, which is a grief support group.  The sessions consist of 13 weeks and it is suggested that they be attended more than one time because of the timing; ie: what may not have fit your situation then, may at a later time.  I have found that to be totally true.  Timing seems to be important.  God deals with us about different aspects of grief at different times.  I have felt myself growing in the Lord as I make progress through my grief.  I know that grief will always be there but I am learning to live with it and to get on with my life and to seek out what God's plans are for me. 

I have gotten involved in a couple Bible Studies and I try to have some social time with family and friends, which is a good thing - to get out of the house.  I have had to do some things that kind of surprised me to find out that I know more than I thought I did about what to do.  Arnie taught me well!  I had to get a new dryer, get the oil changed in the truck, had to figure out why the digital thermometer in the house wasn't working one cold morning.  I still have a difficult time going downstairs to the Man Room and I don't even go in Arnie's wood-working shop unless I absolutely have to.  I had to have all 3 vehicles put into my name -  that was difficult. 

Please keep me in your prayers and feel free to get in touch with me.  I would love to hear from you.

Answers to Prayer

It has been a while since I have posted anything.  Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is over -- I never thought in a million years that I would be glad when Christmas was over.  My tree is down and put away, thanks to my daughter and son -in-law, and the rest of the decorations are coming down as I feel like it. 

These days have been difficult - I knew they would be... the first holiday season without Arnie.  We spent 34 years together and you don't just get over all that instantly - nor do I want to!  I appreciate my kids and family, friends, church and neighbors for being there for me. 

I have been thinking a lot today about how we know that God hears and answers our prayers.  It always makes me sad to hear someone say that they don't pray about anything because they feel that God does not hear or answer their prayers.  There are those who believe that if there is no lightning bolt out of the clouds, that God is not answering their prayers.  We have to be quiet before God and watch and listen for what He has for us. 

Even in the midst of sadness or grief or situations we don't like, we really can find something good and positive.  Right now I am looking at being snowed in for the past 2 days and how inconvenient and annoying the snow is, but at the same time, the sky is blue and the snow is a beautiful white as it lays on the ground in formations from the wind and on the tree branches, making unbelievable photo opportunities for those of us who love to shoot pictures of everything.  

The fact that Arnie is gone leaves those of us who love him so much in a state of sadness that at times seems completely overwhelming; but at the same time, we realize that he is in heaven - the place that each of us is striving to attain.  We should find comfort and peace in knowing that.  Philippians 1:21 says..."For to me to live is Christ, and die is gain." 

When we pray, we should find our answers from God in the promises from His Word.  I also believe that answers to prayer come from those who God has allowed to be part of our lives - those who cross our path.  Words printed on a plaque or in a card may be God's way to  communicate with us.  He uses each of us in unique ways.  I feel that in several ways, God has let me know that I need to get on with my life.

I just wanted to share those thoughts.  I know that God is in control and that I am living with my grief and through it.  I am not in denial.  This is difficult - my life has changed forever - I will not be the same, in fact, I am a better person for having had the privilege and honor to be Arnie's wife. 

My granddaughter, Kayla, put these words on Facebook shortly after Arnie passed away.  I find them to be very meaningful...

"The reality is that you grieve forever.  You will not 'get over' the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.  You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.  You will be whole again, but you will never be the same, nor should you be the same; nor would you want to."

Please keep me in your prayers as I try one day at a time, to get on with my life.